I Still Don’t Get All the Silly Hoopla Over Valentine’s Day

Musings of an Aging Mind

By Jack Bagley

Editor’s Note: This is the Valentine’s Day column I wrote in 2021, updated.  It still applies.

Saturday is Valentine’s Day, a day for those who are in love to demonstrate that love – mostly by purchasing cards, flowers, candy, and other gifts to shower upon those they deem worthy.
Phooey.
Valentine’s Day has never been all that great for me.
Remember back in elementary school, how all the kids in the class would bring Valentine’s cards to give to everyone else? I did that, and I always had more than enough.
Good thing, too, because sometimes I was the one who didn’t get very many. (It could have had something to do with the fact that I was always the class clown, and the other kids felt I already had enough friends – how little they knew.  But I’m just guessing.)
The dissatisfaction with the day continued on into my adult life, and even now in my dotage I’m not all that thrilled about it. Being single for as long as I’ve been may have a lot to do with that.
Even in my dating life the day has not been worth much. I’ve had more than my share of Valentine’s Days in which I would make it a point to have something nice – nay, something expensive and nice – ready to give whichever young lady I was sweet on, only to have her turn up her nose at it. Valentine’s Day cards? I would try the funny cards, the nice cards, the sappy cards – nothing. And it was always one-sided: I’d give a gift, but get nothing in return. Nothing but a cracked heart, that is, and not on paper, either.
And on those occasions where a gift was proffered to me, it would be usually something tacky or overly sentimental or even poisonous.
Not intentionally poisonous, mind you, but I can recall a couple of times I would get nice little boxes of chocolate candy – with strawberries. I am allergic to strawberries, and while I am certain they’re wonderful to eat for most people, they’re pretty much a “no go” with me. I break out in hives so bad bees come looking for me. In the end, it’s not really even worth it.
So, phooey on Valentine’s Day.
I don’t understand why it’s such a great day, anyway, unless you have the candy or greeting card or flower concession somewhere. The whole thing started back in the mists of antiquity as the feast day of one or more fellows called St. Valentine in the Roman Catholic Church.
The first recorded day set aside for St. Valentine was February 14, 496 A.D. It didn’t become associated with love and romance for another thousand years, though – which makes one wonder how the day was originally celebrated. The practice of exchanging gifts like cards, candy and flowers began in 18th Century England, and spread throughout the world from there.
We’re not even sure which St. Valentine the day is named after, or if it’s supposed to be all of them. There were at least two and possibly as many as seven early Christian martyrs named Valentine, each of whom had a path to sainthood. You’ve got Valentine of Rome, Valentine of Terni, and more fellows named Valentine who could qualify for the honor.
My research into the day turned up an interesting connection to the Romans. They had a rite of purification at this time of year called Lupercalla, but there isn’t anything concrete that connects the two. Maybe, like Christmas, it was just the coincidence of a Roman festival and a Christian one and they just got hooked together, or something. The connection to love and such stuff came later, many centuries later.
Now, of course, you can’t escape Valentine’s Day – the first cards are out right after Christmas for those eager beavers who want to make sure they don’t forget. As the day gets closer, it’s all you hear about and all you see and all you can deal with. There are Valentines for kids, for grownups, for family members, for friends, for loved ones, for people you don’t like (those are the funniest), and probably for your ancestors if you look hard enough. And you can send candy and roses and all that stuff now just by punching a few keys at your computer and handing over your credit card number.
Don’t get me wrong, though. For those who are young and in love, Valentine’s Day can have great meaning. A nice romantic dinner, exchanging cards, gifting candy and roses, all of this can create some pretty special memories, but when you are in my position, you …
What? What’s this?
For me? A card?
Oh, my goodness. How sweet! And a box of candy? Nothing strawberry, right?
Thank you so much!
Happy Valentine’s Day, everybody. Seriously.